Ladies and Gentlemen I'm back in business! I took a bit of a break there for a minute. Life got a bit hectic and well the first thing that dropped off was the fun stuff...blogging.So what prompted the comeback? Well along with my life finally calming down a bit, I heard about an incredibly interesting article from the Wall Street Journal this morning on the radio during my drive to work. The article is called 'Fighting Happily Ever After: There's a Right Way to Argue and It Can Be Good for Relationships.' Apparently, arguing isn't the issue as much as how we argue. Fighting fair, using a calm tone, taking time to think before we speak etc are things the article addressed as remedies to making a relationship work despite arguments. Well I think we should all be realistic here, sometimes taking the calm approach doesn't always work in the heat of an argument. We often react to arguments from an emotional place, rather than a calm and logical one. From a personal standpoint I am guilty of not always fighting right. Once I hit that turning point in an argument I am beyond speaking kindly in a calm tone and this whole theory of 'fighting right' is blown out the window. However I digress....recently I have come to the realization that my ability to fight right has more to do with how I personally handle conflict than the actual relationship. I have found that the same issue has come up with different people and feel that it's time for some self reflection instead of continuing to blame everyone else. It's important to understand my triggers and how to deal with them because ultimately I control my actions as well as reactions.
Another, key aspect that the article brought out is that it's essential to resolve issues as they arise. Too often unresolved problems become toxic to what could otherwise be healthy relationships and ultimately cause people to part ways. Sometimes the solution can even be to agree to disagree, but both parties should leave an argument feeling that the situation was resolved. So though no one really wants to go through the pains of arguing, it's necessary to resolve the issue at hand as avoidance can be even more of an issue than fighting.
So ladies and gentlemen, what do you think? Is there a such thing as the right way to fight? Or would we be better off avoiding the situation all together and not fight, though the situation remains unresolved?
2 comments:
I believe the more time you spend with a person, the less you should have to argue. And in the beginning of a relationship, you need to argue more.
It's so true to get all the arguments out in the open in the beginning of a relationship it allows for standards to be established. Which is something I just now realized reading your blog and the previous comment. I have found that with my personality I am prone to avoid arguments all together, but that has only got me so far and then I want to bolt for the nearest exit once things heat up. Im going to attempt after I get past this resent break up to voice my likes and dislikes early on, and I will observe just how far this new found strategy gets me!!!!
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