When an Unwanted Advance Goes Wrong

Unwanted attention from inappropriate men is an issue that I'm sure many attractive ladies have had to deal with. I've dealt with my fair share of unwanted cat calling or advances and admittedly there were times when I've simply chosen to ignore it. However, in the last few years, especially after moving to the east coast, I've found that men find it quite offensive if a lady ignores their unsolicited advances. Some men have gotten annoyed to the point that they react with such lines as, "Ma, you don't have to be so stuck up." "Well, you ain't that cute to be acting that way." "I mean what you can't speak?!" and the one that makes me cringe the most is "B%$#@!" Men - just because I don't want to stop what I'm doing to give you attention or take a pause in my day to engage in a conversation with you does NOT give you license to call me out of my name or mean that I'm stuck up. I simply don't want to promote inappropriate behavior nor am I obligated to talk to you. Also, stop to think that if I don't want to talk to you I could possibly just not be interested or better yet I may have thought your approach didn't deserve a response. Just like you chose to open your mouth to say something to me, I can choose to keep mine closed. My lack of reaction does not give you permission to then be disrespectful in retaliation because you didn't get what you wanted.

Now, let me be clear. If a man is simply saying, "Hi, How are you?" or some other respectable comment I have no problem speaking or even engaging in a conversation. My lack of response comes when a man inappropriately tries to engage me by either grabbing at me (men this is a definite no no when you don't know a lady) or starts off with some disgraceful pick up line like "Dang ma, let me get your number, you know you want to give it to me." "Eh girl, I think I know you. No? Well you need to know me" or "Spst (ladies you know that sound), hey hey, come here sexy let me holla at you." Yes, these are actual pick up lines that men have unsuccessfully tried to use on me. To any man that's reading this and you find that these pick up lines are part of your arsenal of material when addressing a woman, I apologize if I’ve offended you, but if you are trying to address a LADY you need to revise your approach immediately.

After being called out my name one too many times by men who do not handle rejection well, I've revised my approach to dealing with this particular situation. I do now realize that completely ignoring someone can seem disrespectful and that's never my intention. I believe in giving respect as I demand it at all times. So I've learned to at least acknowledge the man, despite his poor approach, with a simple nod or smile and keep my distance. But I still refuse to stop and have an actual conversation with a man that can't properly approach me. You may disagree (feel free to let me know), but I'm a lady and I have standards.

At the end of the day gentlemen, there is nothing wrong with a simple approach and it really is OK to start by simply saying, "Hi, how are you? My name is..." So my advice here is a favorite saying of my mother's...KISS (Keep it simple sweetie). Gentlemen please don't try so hard, basic conversation starters are enough. Ladies we must keep our standards high and not feed into the foolishness. At the same time let's try to be nice and not blow a man off completely so you don't seem disrespectful. As much as you want to throw up your hand or roll your eyes this will only make the situation worse.

So my question for the ladies - What do you do when you deal with inappropriate advances? Gentlemen - How do you approach a lady that you are interested in talking to?