This is not a man bashing post, so gentlemen please don't feel like you can't keep reading. I believe the responsibility for the lack of chivalry in today's society lies with both men and women. In my opinion, one of the reasons for the lack of chivalry is the decline in the amount of proper examples for how men and women should interact. I grew up in a family where all the men treated me like a lady, even when I was a child. I'm sure this was, in part, to make sure that I knew how I should be treated by a gentleman and they hoped that I would accept nothing less from other men. I've come to realize that my family is no longer the norm. I'm in no way trying to give men an out here ladies, but you can't expect a man to be chivalrous if he has no clue where to even begin. On the other hand, just like men, some women haven't grown up in an environment where men respected them and treated them like ladies. So some women truly could careless about a man opening their door or pulling out their chair because the behavior is totally foreign to them. Chivalry is just not part of their reality.
Now that I've dealt with the lack of examples issue, let me now check myself and get real. Though I am a lady, I have to actually take some responsibility for this issue and here's why. I've been so focused on showing my strength and being independent that I sometimes don't fully allow a gentleman to behave as he should. Confession time...don't judge me. I'm guilty of sometimes grabbing the door when a gentleman is trying to hold it for me, getting annoyed with a man pulling out my chair or more so pushing me in, jumping out the car because I don't feel like waiting for it to be opened for me. I'm guilty, but I've made the first step to change by calling attention to the issue. I can in no way claim that chivalry is dead if my overly independent, “I am woman, hear me roar” actions are part of the reason it's dying off. In the current state of women in America, we have sometimes become TOO independent and often throw out the vibe..."I don't need a man, I can do it myself." If women keep acting like this when they really do need a man he won't want to be bothered; so please let's get it together. While this attitude may be great for the quest of independence, I think it has made gentleman more reluctant to do what comes natural when interacting with women.
Ultimately, I don't believe chivalry is dead, I actually think it can make a comeback. Just because a man or woman didn't grow up with proper examples doesn't mean that he/she can't make a positive change. At the end of the day, adults are responsible for their own behavior so no need blaming your past for your current shortcomings; learn from them. I challenge the male readers to step up to the plate and be the gentlemen who prove that chivalry is not dead. Ladies, our mission should be to find that fine balance between being lady and reveling in our strong independence that we've fought so hard to achieve. Let's pass on to the next generation a legacy that we can be proud of so that they won't even have to question if chivalry is dead; they'll know it's alive and well.
3 comments:
"Just because a man or woman didn't grow up with proper examples doesn't mean that he/she can't make a positive change." (Great Quote) The independent phenomena has led women to believe that they "can do it without a man." I think there is truth to that statement. Women can pay bills, take care of kids, get a job, buy a house, and generally handle her business. However, just because someone can, doesn't necessarily make it the best or most prudent decision. I believe God put MEN and WOMEN together on earth for a reason, and part of this reason was to work together in partnership...building...acquiring...and establishing those things that matter most with another person that has made a promise to be there and share with you no matter the circumstance. Chivalry is dead in some ways. However, I think - like Lazarus - it can rise again! Great post!
Hey real talk. If you are not my wife, mom, or the main chick. Then hang it up. If you are not at the top then, I dont think you should expect some chivalry. Females want to be independant, so you can pay or your own meals, and open your own doors. Thats the real. But most of the time I just hold open a few doors out of being nice. But I think chivalry is earned. Just like respect.
I don't think chivalry is dead, I just think there is some temporary amnesia on the parts of men and women. I think upbringing plays a part but not the only part. Sometimes women (I'm guilty) don't allow men to be chivalrous. Sometimes we don't give them the opportunities to be that "old fashioned" gentleman. And likewise, men get too accustomed to not having to do those simple things. I think the "independent women" mentality is crap. I have a house, car, pay my bills all because I want something for myself and I choose not to be without until I meet "the one". Having material posessions have absolutely nothing to do with the notion that I don't need or want a man.
A person will do only what the other allows. We women, need to sometimes allow men be that chivalrous man. Likewise, if a man knows this is what the woman wants, he will put forth the effort to be that type of man.
Bill raised a point. While I disagree somewhat, it got me to thinking. Chilvary is much like respect. In order to get both, we sometimes have to act deserving of both. Now don't misinterpret and think that respect and chilvary shouldn't be given from the get go, however, we have to sometimes think of ourselves worthy enough to receive it.
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