From Cooties to Crush to Confidant

The argument for whether friendships work between those of the opposite sex goes back as far as the playground, a time when we had no desire to be around each other simply because we didn’t want to catch “cooties.” It just wasn’t cool for us to be friends - that alone was enough of an argument to remain enemies. However, hormones inevitably kicked in and those urges to gag when making contact turned into butterflies in the stomach, an instant flushed feeling, or sweaty palms. We had finally developed our first crushes. The hate notes turned into love letters of red roses and blue violets. At some point we mustered up the courage to do one person surveys: Do you like me? Mark Yes, No, or Maybe. We anxiously awaited the polling results, which were hand delivered by a bold friend of the same sex, who already had a crush of their own and realized that no matter the outcome there were “other fish in the sea.” Eventually, we got a yes vote and that crush turned into our first relationship with the opposite sex that deterred us from being repulsed by one another. At this point, we have come to a consensus that cooties are OUT and crushes are IN which begins the era of actual relationships between men and women. Unfortunately, after a broken heart or two the crush phase just isn’t all that appealing anymore, but what we do gain is that the opposite sex isn’t so bad and can be a vital part of our life. Through growth and experience, I believe we then come into a confidant stage where we realize the value of friendships with the opposite sex. Friendships between men and women help us to understand each other better because we’re able to get some inside information that we honestly couldn’t get otherwise.

My explanation of friendship between men and women may be bit remedial, but I think it gets at the core complications of such a relationship. There’s definitely a love-hate, push-pull between the sexes which is inevitable because we are made differently. The hope is that we somehow get to a point where we can appreciate the differences and have enriching relationships. So do I think men and women can be just friends…YES! I find that the perspective of my male friends can sometimes be refreshing and quite enlightening. There are just some topics that frankly a girlfriend and I get stuck on because we don’t have the male perspective. However, I do find it to be important to be clear about the nature of your friendship. Set boundaries and make sure that all parties are aware that it’s purely friendship. Now, it’s not to say that friendships don’t become romantic. A few of my boyfriends started off simply as male friends, so I do understand that relationships can morph. (This is a topic for a whole other post.) The point is you shouldn’t be afraid to befriend the opposite sex because you think that there’s always an underlying attempt for romance. I think by adulthood we all should be more advanced than this. Ladies and gentlemen I encourage you to develop lasting relationships and continue to create enriching friendships with each other.